The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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