how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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