she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
