I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
