I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
