I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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