Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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