he puts the penis in happiness.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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