Sacagawea was the original milf.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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