I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
