theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
