If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
