just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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