Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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