I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
