Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
