Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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