I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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