We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
