I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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