it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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