I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
