Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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