I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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