I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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