i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
