Pappa wants mamma naked
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
