i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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