well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
