Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Less talking, more tequila
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
