i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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