thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
