My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
