My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
