Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
