don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
