don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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