I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
