somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
