she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize