she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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