my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
