Will you blow on my dice?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
