Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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