Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
