So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
