Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
