wanna go halves on a baby?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
