She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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