The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
