I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
